How to Distinguish Feelings from Facts (No Judgment Here)

Feelings may not be facts, but it is a fact that we feel. And our emotions belong to us. No one else is in the position or owns the right to judge the validity of our emotional state. Every one of our feelings is valid. They may not always make sense to us or the surrounding people. Situations may not even warrant certain emotions. They can be extreme at other times, but they are still real. And their reality alone makes them valid.

Once we accept the fact our feelings (and the feelings of others) are always valid, then we can begin the work of changing them. We can accomplish this by changing our behavior and our thinking. If we want to. When we’re so caught up in justifying ourselves to someone else or even to us, we end up amplifying the uncomfortable emotions. Don’t second guess yourself or allow others to dictate how you “should” feel.

Accept the emotion, allow yourself to receive it, immerse yourself in the sensation, then move forward. If you don’t like the way you feel, you are the responsible one to determine that. It’s also your responsibility to do something different. So, instead of exacerbating negative feelings and stuffing them when they get to be too much, allow yourself to sit with them. Take the time to come to some acceptance and understanding even. This is where you’ll be able to take any useful action needed, but only if you want to.

Now If you’re okay with how you feel and do not desire to change anything, that’s okay. We all go through uncomfortable feelings. We need the negative emotions if we are to experience the positive ones, right? Imagine, if we were ecstatic all the time, wouldn’t our exuberance fade? Don’t they all? Think about when you get the new car, start a job, or begin a relationship. We always go through the “honeymoon phase” where everything is amazing and sparks are flying everywhere. But, over time, we become used to our environment, and the novelty wears off.

I remember always longing to stay near the beach. Most of my life I lived within a short driving distance, but I hadn’t lived within blocks of the ocean until a few years ago. I had my home at the beach for just under three years. I must admit for about the first two years, I went to the beach less than I had over the previous two.

My realization didn’t come until the last summer in the neighborhood when I started to enjoy what I had wanted for so long. But, I had to realize something was missing, because of how I felt. And to change my behavior. My overall sense of well-being improved. Everything plummeted when I needed to move, of course. But I got through that. Funny how often I torture myself.

So, to make things clear, our feelings are always valid. It’s our thoughts and behaviors that may need adjustment. Nobody else has the power to control our emotions. Nor do they have the right to judge them. Usually, if someone is trying to “fix” our feelings it is their own emotions that they are trying to avoid. When they tell us we “shouldn’t” feel that way, chances are it is their own feelings they don’t understand. Own your state of being and your state of mind. Those feelings are not facts, but they are valid.

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